The Episcopal Church (United States) has made some big decisions this past week. A three year freeze on ordaining homosexuals to the office of bishop has been replaced by an affirmation that gay men and lesbians are eligible, if otherwise qualified, for any ordained ministry in the church.

This is significant news, whether one believes that homosexual people should be fully integrated into the Church or whether one believes that all active sexuality is sinful outside heterosexual monogamous marriage. The fact is that all of our denominations are grappling with the same issue, in one form or another, and the on-going drama within the Episcopal Church points toward what very well might happen to us.

And here we are, clergy spouses listening and watching as the storm rages. Even if we decide not to pay attention to denominational politics and we refuse to notice the bickering in the diocese/presbytery/synod/district, we can hardly avoid discussions during Coffee Hour and potluck suppers. Opinions are strong and it seems that everyone's position is rooted in stone. If anyone listens to points made by the opposition, it's probably only to find ammunition with which to shoot them down.

Dare we voice an opinion of our own? As a Pastor's Wife or Husband or, dare we say, as a Pastor's Partner? (the phrase "lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" seems appropriate.)

Of course we have opinions. Technically, at least in the PCUSA, pastors' spouses are permitted to voice those opinions as members of committees and as church officers. But technicalities aside, once those opinions are aired, we'd better be ready to deal with the consequences. Our unofficial position in Ecclesia has its perks, but it also had definite disadvantages.

A casual comment by the Pastor's Wife could easily be misconstrued as representing the Pastor's own official position. A not-so-casual expression of a strong viewpoint could be (and often will be) interpreted as a call to arms. The first time I heard my own words repeated as a justification for a holy crusade was a real wake-up call for me. Based on some random comment I'd made over the coffee served in Fellowship Hall, several women were organizing a task-force and circulating a petition!

I have not stopped voicing my opinion; far from it. I do try to speak carefully, using phrases such as "I think . . ." and "it seems to me . . ." in place of "the truth is . . ." or "the Christian position is . . ." And if I happen to know that my opinion differs from my reverend husband's, then I am doubly careful. (Perhaps I'll follow the example of these illustrations and stick roses in my ears.)

Here's my secret to survival: a good circle of friends outside the church, with whom I can say anything that passes through my head, and nobody cares a fig.

That's my honest opinion.



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